| Men and women often enter therapy when they | | | | 120 films with lost love reunions in their plots. The |
| are suddenly and surprisingly catapulted into an | | | | oldest was released in 1939 and the newest came |
| obsessive love relationship with someone from | | | | out in 2006. I found that a statistically significant |
| their past. Especially if they are married, they | | | | number of these reunion movies ended with the |
| probably cannot discuss this reunion with friends | | | | lost loves still together: 102 of 120. But what |
| or family members, so they turn to | | | | fascinated me was that most of these reunion |
| psychotherapists for understanding and relief - | | | | films involved unusual characters or situations that |
| and rarely find it there. Even single people are | | | | could not possibly occur in real life: they were |
| usually rebuffed by their friends and therapists, | | | | fantasies, science fiction, thrillers, or musicals. |
| and told that their feelings are just nostalgia, not | | | | Of the 102 films with reunion happy endings, 43 |
| real love for someone they haven't seen in many | | | | were comedies, light-hearted movies, and "chick |
| years. | | | | flicks." These movies had contrived plots and |
| Like their friends and family, their psychologists | | | | characters with distinctive personalities, like Bridget |
| insisted that rekindled romances were mere | | | | Jones's Diary and For the Boys. These were not |
| "fantasies" and recommended that they "move | | | | ordinary rekindled romance couples. The remaining |
| on." If the client was married, he or she was | | | | 59 films with lost love reunions ending happily |
| often advised to "find what is wrong in your | | | | were science fiction movies, such as Solaris and |
| marriage, because that is what you imagined | | | | Somewhere in Time; fantasies such as Family |
| having with your lost love." This advice is not | | | | Man, Forrest Gump, Raiders of the Lost Ark, and |
| helpful to lost love clients, who do not want their | | | | The Illusionist; and light-hearted musicals such as |
| reality denied or their feelings belittled. Very few | | | | Gigi and A Little Night Music. So these 102 films |
| of these men and women challenged their | | | | with successful rekindled romances, out of the |
| therapists, however; they simply never returned. | | | | 120 reunion films I looked at, were improbable lost |
| The advisability and moral issues of the | | | | love fantasies -- just as therapists had |
| extramarital affairs aside, my research indicates | | | | stereotyped their clients' reunions. |
| that love for old flames, even those who were | | | | The 18 movies that concluded with reunion |
| separated for decades, is very real, and reunions | | | | breakups included Splendor in the Grass, |
| can be long-lasting. For the last few years, I have | | | | Casablanca, The Way We Were, and Miss Saigon. |
| focused on how best to educate psychotherapists | | | | With the exception of Cast Away, the films that |
| about this different kind of romance, and I have | | | | end with the couples separating again are primarily |
| sought to understand why ordinary people and so | | | | serious dramas; their plots are complicated and |
| many mental health experts doubt the veracity | | | | more plausible than the happy-ending reunion |
| and strength of lost love bonds. | | | | movies, and they include lots of heartbreak. |
| One reason for this doubt, indicated in results | | | | Surely there are movies we missed, but those |
| from my "First Love" survey, is that many adults | | | | we remembered and included had a clear bias. |
| had terrible first love experiences; they have no | | | | Lost loves question their own hearts and sanity |
| desire to reunite with these people from the past, | | | | as everyone around them scoffs at their reunions. |
| and cannot understand why anyone would want | | | | They seem like lost love film characters who |
| to do such a thing. | | | | separate at the conclusion of the movie -- men |
| Another reason for skepticism might be because | | | | and women struggling with lost love issues, |
| popular culture images of love reunions | | | | obsessed, and conflicted. No wonder therapists |
| stereotype people who try reunions as chasing | | | | might think that real-life reunions as a whole are |
| rainbows. Could films in particular influence how | | | | toxic to adults and inevitably end badly. |
| people evaluate the wisdom of looking up lost | | | | Real rekindled romances (provided the lost loves |
| loves? What I discovered was intriguing: Hollywood | | | | are single, widowed or divorced) have happier |
| scripts are more pessimistic in outcome than | | | | outcomes for the couples than reel endings. And |
| real-life rekindled romances. | | | | even for those who separate again, their love |
| My website members ( and I compiled a list of | | | | was real, not fantasy. |